Resolution Committee Meeting

This impressive committee has once again displayed its bonfides by deftly dispatching

all these complaints in record time,

with innovative solutions 

Nothing is too daunting

... well,... maybe just Sandie Larson 

Below is the original message with the resolutions in red.

We will be scheduling an emergency committee meeting to discuss sensitive issues and to ensure everything is in order going into next summer, as if that could happen, but I think we all know things need to be hashed over, run around the block, hung out to dry, run up the flagpole, and then squashed.  Normally we would have done all this at the last meeting, but most of us couldn't run around the block, so it didn't get fairly evaluated.  We have been inundated with classmate complaints, and these need squashing.  Personally, I think most of these are kinda petty, but, trust me, we will look high and low for ways to resolve all the following issues, even if we have to resurrect the Verification Team.  Janet, Linna, Ginger & Barb are standing by, but they have to recuse themselves on their own complaint ... , how do you make a complaint Linna if you've never been to the picnic?.   Hooooboy, you can't make this stuff up, ... well, ... maybe we can:

1.  Linna Carlsen says she wasn't given enough time to plan to come from Virginia ... Picnic dates, 8/20/22, 8/19/23, 8/18/24.   I'll be saving a place for you, would you like to pre-pay?   Well, we haven't heard a word from Linna, she's just hiding out on the East Coast as if that's an excuse. We don't have any Italians in our class, but Al Gerth says he knows some East Coast people that can pay Linna a visit.  Janet "didn't know the picnic date" Westerlund, ... did you see this?  Great news, we've been in contact with Janet, and she says she's coming to the picnic in 2022.   No strong arming needed. 

2.  Tony Backes took umbrage ( I have to use big words with Tony ) for reporting his boat shoes were "salmon" color.   They were coral, he says. We profusely apologize, ... won't happen again this year.  We'll be watching the Sperry catalog to confirm fashion colors for next summer.   Surprise us!  Great news, Tony has been convinced to wear flip flops in 2022.   He said he was planning that anyway, ... so it's all good.

3.  Ginger Rhoades thought we could have been more helpful in getting her a pet sitter for her cats so she could come.   Well, Ging, we had one, but O'Malley decided to come to the picnic instead, ... and he's real good with cats, too, he told me.  Ginger, was still a little miffed, but, she says she is planning to come next year, ... and remember Ging, it was O'Malley who said he was going to help out, ... not us.

4.  Anne Johnson would have come if she'd known Karyl Hansen was going to be there.   This is a little lame Anne, but wait til you see who's coming next year.  And actually, Karyl only came because she heard you weren't coming ...  not really a resolution here, as Anne now says she doesn't care if Karyl's coming or not. 

5.  Steve Favorite is complaining he doesn't feel appreciated enough for all he does, .... ohhhhhhh, Steeeeeve, noooooooo.   What all does he do?  Anybody know?   Well, we don't even need to run this one up the flagpole...  Steve, still unappreciated, and pouting, says he may not order the Porta Potties next year.  

6.  Sandie Larson is a little miffed she couldn't come as a marauder to the last picnic, ... and she would have been such a cute little marauder.  But, before they quit, the Verification Team ( Linna Carlsen, Barb Baumgartner, Janet Westerlund, and Ginger Rhoades ) informed Sandie, that marauder was a Middle French term meaning "rascal", which, of course, we all knew.  So it was not in keeping with our strict Western theme.  But, Sandie, ... I have it on good authority ( Cec started a rumor ), ... in 2025, our theme could be "French Criminals", ... so, don't throw your costume away.  On that same thought, Mary, don't throw your Norwegian Dancing Bandalero costume away, as we may move into "Crimes of the Fjords" in 2026 ( per a rumor from Cec ).  One may wonder why Cec has this fascination with criminals, ... maybe she was a defense lawyer before she was a cowgirl.  Sandie, defiant as ever, has decided she is not going to wait for the "French Criminal" costume contest, ... she's going to be a Marauder next year for our 50's theme, ... "come hell or high water".   You gotta hand it to her, she does sound like a marauder.  I realize this doesn't sound like a resolution, but quite frankly, no one wants to confront Sandie about this, so despite a full throated complaint by the Verification Team, we're just going to let Sandie come as she wants.

7.  Don Miller, as usual was lamenting there was no bandstand.   Well, Don, picnic construction projects begin in April, ... as a custom home builder you can help build one, but then you probably would need site plans, blueprints, an architectural sketch, environmental studies, soil studies, permits ( uh, that's a big Nay Nay on the permits ).  I can see this is going to take some time, but can you be ready by 2025, and make it a guillotine themed bandstand to go along with our theme ... French Criminals?  Of course, it's a given, no one will be executed.  Don said he would rather lament the lack of a bandstand, than help build one, so that's kind of a resolution.   No Bandstand.   

8. Randy, Kevin, Don, and Steve want Bill Klemm eliminated from the costume contest, ... he's that good.    They said he can come to the picnic though.  This is a sticky wicket as they say in the UK, the committee will have to sort this.  It would be a big deal if we have to tell Bill he can't dress up.  I think the only sane solution to this would be for Sue "The Enforcer" Akers to put this situation to song, then we can squash it.  A good resolution here.   Sue, just puffed herself up, faced these guys off, called them babies, told them to buck up, we're not telling Klemm he can't dress up.   So, they cried, then conceded to Sue.   There is a rumor Sue is going to have a talk with Steve, cuz after drinking beer at the picnic, Sue needed the Porta Potty twice.

9.  Chris Perry wants to know the pay scale for being the Horseshoes Master.   ... it's double what it was this past picnic, Chris.  And Chris, Alan Schultz said he'd do it for half that, so be mindful of the competition, ... you do get the title of Horseshoe Master, ... that's worth something, and don't forget the little Sheriff's Star badge you get to wear. Ok, a win-win-lose here.   Alan has offered the committee a financial incentive to let him be the Horseshoes Master.   So the committee gets some Dough, ... for Alan it's a Go, ... for Perry, uh, ... that's a NO.   On a related subject, Alan, as Horseshoe Master is charging $10 per team, as an entry fee.  Cash only, no checks.

10. Kathy and her entourage, ... DyAnne, and Jamie would come next year, but only if they could get a volume discount, and of course, they want to be able to sit together, ... at a special table, ... in the shade, ... away from the horseshoe pit, ... and close to the cooler with the beer.  Well, we discussed this with Steve "I'm not getting enough appreciation" Favorite, and he looked at our financials with Jeanne "The Bank" Fletcher, ... took out his calculator, ... gave his "figuring out the math" look ... and then his "quizzical eye popping" look, ... then the hairs on his head stood straight up ( both of 'em), and he determined their price would be $20 each, or 3 for $ 59.95, ... plus $19.95 for our "premium table" fee.  That's what you call "higher math".   Well, we thought we had a resolution here, ... we took the money from Alan's committee bribe and took off the "premium table" fee, ... but you know these girls, that wasn't enough.   Now they want padded chairs.   As all of you picnic goers know, we don't have padded chairs, ... so we're working on some ideas to placate this trio.  Sue Akers went to have a talk with them, but they scared Sue, so we're still trying to figure this out.  We're thinking about a suave approach, so we're contemplating sending Tony over there in his salmon boat shoes, khakis, and Ralph Lauren polo shirt. We're optimistic we can work something out.  We can't just roll out lots of benefits for these three, otherwise Linna will get wind of it, and demand transportation from the airport, ... or something even more.   In that event, Tony will have to drive to the airport.

You see how time consuming this all is.   I'm sure you all have a greater appreciation for the committee now.